it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
