i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
