i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
