dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
