i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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