New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize