So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
