What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
