My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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