to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
