But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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