I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
