Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
