My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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