it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Found your dick twin last night
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm like, not good at living.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
