He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
