if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
