who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
