my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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