I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
There's always time for handjobs
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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