Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
