Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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