I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
