dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
