She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
