i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Threesome in a minivan. New low
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
