dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
