...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
