I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
