turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
