I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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