my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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