Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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