Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
