I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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