Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
