awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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