so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
