I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
