You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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