It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
