sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
