He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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