whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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