I faked an abortion last night.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
