my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize