Three words: puerto rican gang bang
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
