How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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