He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize