We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
