I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
