I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
