my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i would punch a child for taco bell
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
