im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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