Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
