Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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