i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
