I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
