Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
