too bad you live with your parents still
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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