Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
