so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
