Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
