Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
we made out on top of his cat.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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