dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
