mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
