yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Randomize
