i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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