Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
