Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
