Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
