I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
