Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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