I feel like I'm in dance class right now
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
The uberlube is also flammable
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
