it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
