Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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