omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
