Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
