so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
