im having a threesome with these popsicles
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I think people are normalizing furries
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
