Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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