Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
