I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize
