remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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