Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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