no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Let's get the cat blown out
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
