I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
