Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
