Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
