My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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