im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
