Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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