I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
